Tuesday, March 12, 2002
WELCOME BACK TO ME!
Wow. I feel like I have been gone for years and years. Or maybe just days and days, but either way...it's been way too long. My trip to visit Paul and Mariah in Boston was fucking amazing. Really, I don't think there was one moment that I wished I could be anywhere else. We ate like fucking hoss's, smoked our brains out, and drank like Prohibition was on its way back in. I spent most of the weekend fucked up, but it was good and totally needed. I mean, I did spend a whole 4 and a half hour bus ride to Boston without a drink, so it was much deserved to start boozing the minute I walked in the door.
Paul and Mariah paid for everything. Without question. They took me out, bought me dinner, and even gave me little suprises the whole time I was there. Gosh. I just had the best time. So good in fact, that when Mariah looked at me with those sad eyes on Sunday afternoon, I just knew that I had to stay for another night. How could I possibly leave her on her birthday?
It is so weird. Every time I go to Boston, I immediatly want to shuck it all and move back there. The place is just damn fun and I know the city well enough to get myself around. It's like I sort of live there too. BUT...and this is a big BUT, if I lived there again, I know that I would fall into the abyss of party all the time and never get anything done. Much like the year that I spent there. Mariah is readying for her move to NYC. She is terrified and scared. And she should be. It is a huge change. But it is a much needed change and at some point we all gotta settle down and get started on our careers. That is what NYC is for. So I encourage her to move and I eagerly anticipate her arrival. Just think Mariah...we won't have to say goodbye anymore. And on top of that...we can visit Boston any time you want. We will be bus buddies. But we MUST take busses that show movies. Otherwise, you would be forced to sing and I would be forced to harmonize for the whole trip.
Paul and I got along so well. He took amazing care of me. When it finally came time for me to leave, I felt this emptiness that scared me. I haven't felt that emptiness in so long. I felt like I couldn't possibly go on without him. I find myself whining and complaining, laying all over the apartment, just trying to put off the inevitable. When he and I are together, we are like a force. Soulmates, Mariah calls us. When I am with Paul, I am in love. After 2 years and a couple of months, I am still in love with this boy. Sex comes forth. Right after hugs, laughs, and food. I want to be with him every minute that I am there. And most of the time, I find myself clinging on to him for dear life. I sit in his lap, hold him whenever he sits still for 5 minutes, and am constantly telling him that it is time for love. Love equals kissing me and making me feel special. And he complies with it, cuz he loves me.
It feels so good to be loved by that. But this kind of love is dangerous. It makes you want to chuck it all and just spend every waking moment creating and enjoying each other's company. I still find myself looking at other guys and wondering what they would be like without their clothes on, but I don't get that compulsive need to meet someone new. (Like I always do when I am in the city) UGH. If we could just live in the same area for once. Just to see if this shit would really work.
I love you Paul. So much that I wish I could figure out a way for us to be together and to still accomplish all that we want out of life. I'm working on it.
Besides drinking and smoking non-stop this weekend, we also had a picnic outside, played basketball with the local black kids, and sang and danced like it was our birthday. OH! That's right. It WAS our birthday. Mariah's 24th! And I hope she enjoyed every minute of it.
On Saturday night, we went to this gay country club. Gay Country Club. (Those words should never even be in the same sentence) It took us about a half hour to get there, and we were lucky enough to have this girl drive us. However, the minute we stepped out of the car...I proclaimed: "Hey everyone! I left my wallet all the way back in Boston!"
oops.
Paul was fucking incredible and immediately offered to drive me back to get it. It was so fun to be in the car with him. We blared music, smoked a joint, and made the best of a shitty situation. That is why I love Paul. I can do something totally ridiculous and he just goes with the flow. He keeps me calm and he just takes care of it. Man....he was so cool about it. Especially since I would have been PISSED if he had done the same thing. Good old Joe. Always going off the handle at stupid things.
So the country club turned out to be a blast. Unfortunately, the night life shuts down at 2am in Boston....which has proven to be TOO EARLY on every occassion. But we made the best of it. We smoked another joint on the way home, made a huge feast at the apartment and had chocolate Martinis to celebrate Mariah's bday! Such a good time.
I think I gained like 12 pounds from the visit. Paul calls it my Christmas pudge. (I call it the usual pudge, but whatever)
Now I am back in NY and back at work. Everyone was really cool to me today, which was a relief. I always get worried that I am going to get in "trouble" or something when I skip out on a day of work. But instead, I walked in and everyone was like: "Happy 1 Year Anniversary" and blah blah blah. I totally forgot that it was my work anniversary. But it is. So I guess I should be proud.
Okay...moment of pride over. Time to find a new job.
Penelope is having her 30th bday this week. She is kind of dreading it, but she took the whole week off to soften the blow. Good for her. A whole WEEK of doing nothing, but living and being happy. Unfortunately, her dog, Bailey, had to be put to sleep on Sunday. My heart snapped in two when I spoke with her on the phone last night. She doesn't deserve so much heartache all at once. My heart (what's left of it) and prayers are with her, but I just wish that there was more that I could do. Losing a pet, especially a BAILEY pet, is so difficult. It is almost impossible. She is off to a Knicks game tonight and hopefully seeing some hot, buff, black men will cheer her up. If not, I plan to get her FUCKED UP on Thursday. Drinks, pot, and laughs. Can't wait.
I guess that is it for today. Got a pretty easy week ahead of me. So long as I don't get thrown any fast balls. You know how that is....one minute things are boring, monotonous, and annoying....the next minute...I have 8 fingers, a brain tumor, and am struggling to choke down solid food. I just don't get this thing we call "life".
Wow. I feel like I have been gone for years and years. Or maybe just days and days, but either way...it's been way too long. My trip to visit Paul and Mariah in Boston was fucking amazing. Really, I don't think there was one moment that I wished I could be anywhere else. We ate like fucking hoss's, smoked our brains out, and drank like Prohibition was on its way back in. I spent most of the weekend fucked up, but it was good and totally needed. I mean, I did spend a whole 4 and a half hour bus ride to Boston without a drink, so it was much deserved to start boozing the minute I walked in the door.
Paul and Mariah paid for everything. Without question. They took me out, bought me dinner, and even gave me little suprises the whole time I was there. Gosh. I just had the best time. So good in fact, that when Mariah looked at me with those sad eyes on Sunday afternoon, I just knew that I had to stay for another night. How could I possibly leave her on her birthday?
It is so weird. Every time I go to Boston, I immediatly want to shuck it all and move back there. The place is just damn fun and I know the city well enough to get myself around. It's like I sort of live there too. BUT...and this is a big BUT, if I lived there again, I know that I would fall into the abyss of party all the time and never get anything done. Much like the year that I spent there. Mariah is readying for her move to NYC. She is terrified and scared. And she should be. It is a huge change. But it is a much needed change and at some point we all gotta settle down and get started on our careers. That is what NYC is for. So I encourage her to move and I eagerly anticipate her arrival. Just think Mariah...we won't have to say goodbye anymore. And on top of that...we can visit Boston any time you want. We will be bus buddies. But we MUST take busses that show movies. Otherwise, you would be forced to sing and I would be forced to harmonize for the whole trip.
Paul and I got along so well. He took amazing care of me. When it finally came time for me to leave, I felt this emptiness that scared me. I haven't felt that emptiness in so long. I felt like I couldn't possibly go on without him. I find myself whining and complaining, laying all over the apartment, just trying to put off the inevitable. When he and I are together, we are like a force. Soulmates, Mariah calls us. When I am with Paul, I am in love. After 2 years and a couple of months, I am still in love with this boy. Sex comes forth. Right after hugs, laughs, and food. I want to be with him every minute that I am there. And most of the time, I find myself clinging on to him for dear life. I sit in his lap, hold him whenever he sits still for 5 minutes, and am constantly telling him that it is time for love. Love equals kissing me and making me feel special. And he complies with it, cuz he loves me.
It feels so good to be loved by that. But this kind of love is dangerous. It makes you want to chuck it all and just spend every waking moment creating and enjoying each other's company. I still find myself looking at other guys and wondering what they would be like without their clothes on, but I don't get that compulsive need to meet someone new. (Like I always do when I am in the city) UGH. If we could just live in the same area for once. Just to see if this shit would really work.
I love you Paul. So much that I wish I could figure out a way for us to be together and to still accomplish all that we want out of life. I'm working on it.
Besides drinking and smoking non-stop this weekend, we also had a picnic outside, played basketball with the local black kids, and sang and danced like it was our birthday. OH! That's right. It WAS our birthday. Mariah's 24th! And I hope she enjoyed every minute of it.
On Saturday night, we went to this gay country club. Gay Country Club. (Those words should never even be in the same sentence) It took us about a half hour to get there, and we were lucky enough to have this girl drive us. However, the minute we stepped out of the car...I proclaimed: "Hey everyone! I left my wallet all the way back in Boston!"
oops.
Paul was fucking incredible and immediately offered to drive me back to get it. It was so fun to be in the car with him. We blared music, smoked a joint, and made the best of a shitty situation. That is why I love Paul. I can do something totally ridiculous and he just goes with the flow. He keeps me calm and he just takes care of it. Man....he was so cool about it. Especially since I would have been PISSED if he had done the same thing. Good old Joe. Always going off the handle at stupid things.
So the country club turned out to be a blast. Unfortunately, the night life shuts down at 2am in Boston....which has proven to be TOO EARLY on every occassion. But we made the best of it. We smoked another joint on the way home, made a huge feast at the apartment and had chocolate Martinis to celebrate Mariah's bday! Such a good time.
I think I gained like 12 pounds from the visit. Paul calls it my Christmas pudge. (I call it the usual pudge, but whatever)
Now I am back in NY and back at work. Everyone was really cool to me today, which was a relief. I always get worried that I am going to get in "trouble" or something when I skip out on a day of work. But instead, I walked in and everyone was like: "Happy 1 Year Anniversary" and blah blah blah. I totally forgot that it was my work anniversary. But it is. So I guess I should be proud.
Okay...moment of pride over. Time to find a new job.
Penelope is having her 30th bday this week. She is kind of dreading it, but she took the whole week off to soften the blow. Good for her. A whole WEEK of doing nothing, but living and being happy. Unfortunately, her dog, Bailey, had to be put to sleep on Sunday. My heart snapped in two when I spoke with her on the phone last night. She doesn't deserve so much heartache all at once. My heart (what's left of it) and prayers are with her, but I just wish that there was more that I could do. Losing a pet, especially a BAILEY pet, is so difficult. It is almost impossible. She is off to a Knicks game tonight and hopefully seeing some hot, buff, black men will cheer her up. If not, I plan to get her FUCKED UP on Thursday. Drinks, pot, and laughs. Can't wait.
I guess that is it for today. Got a pretty easy week ahead of me. So long as I don't get thrown any fast balls. You know how that is....one minute things are boring, monotonous, and annoying....the next minute...I have 8 fingers, a brain tumor, and am struggling to choke down solid food. I just don't get this thing we call "life".
